Welp, here we are. You are about to read my emotion fueled post. I would even call it a vent. Yes, a vent. I will share some things about my journey into motherhood and then some. No beating around the bush, let's just jump right in, shall we?
For the love of all things baby. Stop focusing on what OTHER parents are doing with THEIR children. If you are not going to approach them about their "mistakes" with an open heart and genuine concern, then shut up about it. Really. If it bothers you that much, share those concerns with them.
I was a young mother, who raised a kid on my own for much of the beginning of her life. Looking back I made some STUPID (yes, I mean stupid) mistakes and choices. Because I didn't know better and ,frankly, had a lot of learning to do. I was not born with all knowledge about babies (no one is, sorry y'all). My first daughter, Elizabeth, was not planned. *GASP*. I know, I know. For shame! I lived in a different state, had a failing relationship at the time and a newborn. I had my child out of wedlock with a man who decided to step out of her life early on. I had to learn all the not-so-common-sense-to-me things on my own.
I forward faced her very early, gave her baby cereal at 4 months, didn't carry her in a baby sling, didn't breastfeed past 2 months, didn't co-sleep or bed share. I didn't give her an all organic diet, I let her put herself to sleep with a bottle, I used a crib bumper, I stuck her infant carrier on the top of a shopping cart and I even left her in the car alone at a pump while I ran in to pay (that story will come, I promise). Hmmm...what other mistakes did I make? Too many to write.
I was FAR from perfect, and still am far from it. But there were many times I had friends, family and even strangers approach me directly and share with me what I could do better. Not a single time did I get accused for neglecting my child, being a bad mother or any of that nonsense. I was approached with genuine concern and love. Honestly, I never felt judged.
I learned SO much because people who cared about me and my child shared their experiences and helped me become a better mother. I stopped (or started) doing many things to fix those mistakes I mentioned above. I learned not only to make safer and smarter choices for Elizabeth but I also learned there is a right way and a wrong way to approach people about your concerns.
Wrong way: Posting passive aggressive posts on FB *hoping* it will reach the person you are trying to "help". Or accusing them of being neglectful and a terrible parent.
Right way: Directly coming to the person with nothing but good intentions. Leave the sarcasm, judgment and hate at the door.
If you approach this person they can do one of two things: 1) Take your advice and make safer/better/smarter/healthier/etc choices for their child thanks to your advice and kindness or 2) Not take your advice. Either way, you tried. What else can you do?
Ultimately though, you are not in control of what THEY do. You are only in control of what YOU do. So make the right choice.
So, like I promised, here is my story of a complete stranger forever changing me. I can guarantee some of you will walk away from this story thinking "gosh, Sarah is/was a bad mother" and learning nothing. OR you will walk away from this knowing that your genuine concerns and kindness to even a complete stranger can (and most likely will) change them forever.
A few years ago, I left my (almost) one year old in the car at the gas pump sleeping while I ran inside to pay. It was raining, she was sleeping and I didn't think it would be a big deal. I mean, I can see her from the window, right? Well, I ran in, paid and came out to a crying baby and a complete stranger waiting for me at my car. He told me in such a stern yet KIND way that...well, that I was stupid. And, that I was. But I never, ever did that again. And still don't! But he took his concerns straight to me and I learned something that should have been "common sense". I still think about him to this day.
In my short 5 years of being a mother have never seen and heard so many judgmental posts and comments about "bad mothers" as I have in the last year. "I saw a terrible mom who had her child's car seat buckle way too low. She's obviously an ignorant person" Oh, really? So, I'm guessing you walked up to her and talked to her, right?....Didn't think so. (By the way, made this mistake, too. And I was corrected by someone, and never did it incorrectly after that).
Even through all my bad choices, stupid mistakes and life in general, my 5 year old daughter is a smart, beautiful, healthy and amazing little girl. She thrives!
So, get your mom-head out of your ass, stop bashing other mothers. (Note: I say mothers this whole post. Men don't get all crazy like women do about this kind of stuff usually.)
There. That's my vent. Phew.
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