It's okay to be okay.

This is for the fellow wives who greet deployments with a smile. Who stare at it like a familiar enemy and know they will come out on top. Here's to you, ladies, for being okay with deployments. 

When I dropped my husband off at the airport to leave us for quite some time there was no grand exit or movie like lingering. I gave him a kiss after he said his 'see you laters' to the kids. I grabbed their hands and began walking away. He and I knew it was time for him to leave and we were okay with it.

There seems to come a time before, during and after each deployment that I am faced with a person who thinks it is bizarre that I'm okay with my husband being gone. At one point, I began to think that maybe something is wrong with me. Should I be a mess? Will my husband think I don't miss him? Is something disconnecting in our marriage? 

Thoughts ran through my mind while I tried to fit the pieces together. I would ask my husband if he felt bad that I didn't cry when I dropped him off. I would consult with my mother on whether I was doing this "wife thing" correctly (she always assured me it was knocking it outta the park). 

I had all these thoughts because movies, lovey dovey picture perfect Facebook posts and romance novels have told me I need to wait at the end of the long hall with tear filled eyes watching him slowly disappear. And, I thought if I didn't, I must not love him enough, right?! I have wracked my brain time and time again trying to figure it out. Then eventually I realized there is nothing wrong with me or my marriage. We just operate differently. 

Every couple has different dynamics.  For the record,  let me say it's 100% okay to NOT be okay with it.

However, this post isn't for you. This is for the other wives who are okay with it and felt like maybe they're "doing it wrong". Just like I did. 

I'm here to say that it is okay to be okay. I think it's important to know you're not alone. There are others like you who are taking deployments by storm in this way. There are others who also look at deployments like a challenge. You stare that bad boy down and are ready to grab the bull by the horns. 

I'm not saying we won't fall flat on our faces. (Uh, I have already  and I will again). I'm not saying we won't have our weak moments. We do. I'm just saying we can handle it in our own way and not have to worry about what others may think. 

So, yea. 

My husband left me to fight a war. And it's okay that I'm okay.