10 Things I Learned in my Twenties

I have been a 30 year old for a week now. After reflecting on my twenties, here are 10 things I've learned. Maybe these apply to you, too!

1. How to be a mother.

I got pregnant at 20 and gave birth at 21. I literally started my twenties as a parent. During the last 10 years I learned many lessons on how to be a mother. I am still learning, but I thank the gods every day that I had Ellie and became her mother. She was it for me. My Mona Lisa.

2. How to make the most from my mistakes.

I made many, and will make many more. I'm not perfect but I've fought for the strength I have right now. I learned that there are definitely right and wrong ways of fixing mistakes you've made. I've learned to choose my words wisely and to know what battles to fight.

3. I learned it's okay to be alone.

I mean this both physically alone and emotionally alone. I moved to Washington shortly after Elizabeth was born. It was one of the most difficult times of my twenties. I was in a dead end relationship trying so hard to pretend it was okay. It wasn't. It was the first time I had been away from my family, I had a newborn baby and in a home with no love. It was heartbreaking. But through that heartbreak I found the strength to be alone, and when it was time to break it off I was ready. Suddenly I was a single mother, the father figure had disappeared and that was it. I had no one to fall back on. It was scary. It was thrilling. I rose from those ashes and became amazing. I wouldn't have don't all that if I wasn't alone.

4. Drinking is sometimes fun.

I had my drinking days. Probably drinking too much. But it was fun sometimes. And other times, not so much. I learned how to balance it out and that I don't have to be drinking or drunk to have fun with family and friends. Those nights were filled with so many memories and I will look back on the fondly. But I know my thirties will not be filled with many drunk nights; I'm getting too old for that. ;)

5. Sex isn't a bad thing.

Yikes, that escalated right? So often women feel like we will be shunned if we find pleasure in the same physical desires that men do. I learned that there is a double standard when it comes to sex. I have been around the block- I'm not ashamed to say that- because I don't think it is a bad thing to enjoy sex. So, if you're young, single and want to explore you should be allowed to! Be safe, be smart, but girl, don't allow people to tell you that sex is bad.

6. Honesty really is the best thing.

Be honest, guys. Not just with others but yourself, too. It's a pretty simple concept but I look back and am SO glad I was honest because I've seen first hand what happens when a person continuously lies. It's no bueno.

7. My mom is usually right.

I can't say always because I'm sure she has had a moment or two where she was wrong, albeit I can't think of a single instance at the moment. She is my cheerleader, my rock, my best friend. And she is usually right.

8. Pay your bills first.

Okay. I sucked at this. I'll be honest. But I have definitely learned that I needed to and should have done this from the get go. I will spend my entire thirties repairing the credit damage I did as an early twenty something year old.

9. I don't need my husband.

I learned that I don't actually NEED my husband. Everything he does for me I can do (and have done) for myself. This is the thing, I like having him around. As much as he pisses me off sometimes, I want him. With him being in the Marine Corps, I'm actually glad I don't "need" him. He leaves often, sometimes for a long time, and I do just fine. I miss him and am glad when he's home safely. But I am so proud of myself for being able to thrive in any environment.

10. I will never make everyone happy.

This is HARD for me. But I learned I will never please everyone all the time. What I do will not always be everyone's cup of tea but I'm okay with that now. I was always a people pleaser, but I learned the importance of making myself happy. It's pretty freaking awesome.

There it is. 10 things. I know there are more lessons, but those stuck out the most and molded me into the amazing woman I am today.

What are some things you learned in the last 10 years? Share below!

Be a fountain; not a drain.

This topic has been weighing on my mind and heart for weeks now. Not everyone will agree and some might even be offended by what I'm about to say. But, oh the joys of having your own blog.

Let me start by saying this. You are enough. You. Are. Enough. Yes, I'm going to say it again before I'm done.

Many of my fellow moms have been feeling beat down lately and I have come to a conclusion as to why. We never feel like we are enough. We feel like we could be doing more. 

I'm sure we all have our own reasons as to why we feel that way. But I am willing to guess that the feeling is self inflicted. I know it is for me.

Nothing my husband does makes me feel worthless. Lord knows my kids worship the ground I walk on. My family and friends are supportive. So why the hell do I not feel like I'm ever doing enough?

I have learned that my sacrifices (no matter how many or how few) do not define me as a mother. Let me say it louder for the ladies in the back. Your sacrifices do not define you as a mother. What I mean by this is you do not magically become a better mother if you sacrifice more. If you give every last ounce to your kids, that doesn't mean you're a better mother than if you save a few ounces for yourself.

What does define you as a mother isn't what you give up but rather what you give out. This includes WHO you are giving to your children. 

There is something so powerful when you begin to love yourself more than you love anyone else, kids included. Let me explain why.

When you love yourself the most, you take care of yourself which means you're in a better state to give your family the best you. Consider it a trickle down effect. Fill your fountain from the top. Stop forgetting yourself and pouring from the middle.

I am worth a great life. I do not need to sacrifice every bit of me and my identity in order to be a great mother. By loving myself more than anyone else makes me a better mother, wife and person. SELF LOVE is the key.

I had to stop being a motherhood martyr. I had to stop sacrificing every part of me thinking "oh, everyone will see everything I give up and know I'm  great mother."

Sacrificing a full nights sleep, sacrificing your financial "wants" in order to provide all your child(ren)'s needs, and other sacrifices like those are part of this whole motherhood gig. But let me tell you what isn't part of it:

Sacrificing your dreams. Sacrificing your sanity. Sacrificing every second of your day.

Remind yourself that you are enough. Save some ounces of yourself for just you. Fill your freakin' fountain from the top. 

Getting Lost.

My youngest is turning two Monday. My last and final kid. He is my last first step. Last first word. Last first everything.

All things about that is both satisfying and saddening.

With the end of my "baby era" begins a new era for me. My thirties. The decade I'd like to affectionately dedicate to myself.

Next month in October I will be turning 30 and I can't wait. I feel like a new season is about to begin. I have joked around and told people that I will be too old to make the same stupid (really stupid) mistakes I made as a twenty something year old.

You know, that Sarah who was suddenly a mother trying to sort out some pretty hefty life lessons. Or the Sarah who is 22 and trying to still "be young" while changing diapers. No, that Sarah is long gone (thank goodness). Right, I'm too old for that. But I am still young enough to accomplish so many things. I can still start a career. I can finish school. I can work on making it back to ME again.

See, I lost myself somewhere between midnight feedings and afternoon coffees. Somewhere in between being on my husband's arm and playing a dual role when he's gone- I vanished.

For the majority of ny adult life I was simply his wife or their mother.

Woah.

I lost who I am as an individual. I sought (and often time still seek) validation through my husband. I venture off in my children's lives hoping to find me again. But I will never find Sarah, the woman, in their lives. I need to find her in my own time and in my own world.

I may not find her tomorrow or even in the next year. But when I do, it will be like greeting an old friend.  I will be a new person with the same face,  and I will embrace her tightly.  Life changes just like the seasons, and I'm ready for the next one.